| I knew it. |
[Friday
September 1st At 2:28AM] |
I KNEW today was going to be good.
I knew it I knew it I knew it I knew it. I knew it.
Ohgod.
Everything is back to normal. ♥
omggggiloveyou
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| I'm feeling strange. |
[Thursday
August 31st At 1:09AM] |
September is coming.
School's starting.
and .. I really need to get my act together.
I can't keep going to seep at 3 AM and waking up at 10 AM. 7 hours is good but I can't go 3 AM - 6 AM.
Secondly, I need to figure out what I want .. I miss Seth. I like .. someone else. And the other person just blew me off and forgot about me and I'm not all that upset about it.
[Jesus, Molly, you skank.]
.. Do I want Seth?
.. Yes
My head and my heart are telling me to agree but I'm just not sure right now. He needs to come back and talk to me.
Anyways ..
This whole drama thing is still going on. Every day something happens. Today .. was .. the most shocking. I don't know what to make out of it. I'm STILL confused. But whatever. I'll figure it out eventually.
What I do know .. is that things are going to change in the next two weeks. Seriously. I just feel like I need to be a different person or something, because right now things aren't that great. I guess I'm ALRIGHT, better than most, but I'm still confused.
[Yes.]
Moving on to the subject of SCHOOL
.. School.
A new year, 7th grade. Basically in Akron, you don't learn anything new in 7th grade. [Well you DO but 70% of the year is a review of 6th grade.] Or this is what I've heard. The worst part? Drama. Ahhhhh, boyfriends, fights, SEX .. okay not sex. No 12 - 13 year olds are sexing. >_> ohgod atleast I hope not. .. ohgod. Lmao. IMAGESSSS.
But yeah, this year is gonna be tough on the mind, and not for education purposes.
I might have to take a break online if things get bad. I AM PREPAREDDD!
.. Then again, the internet is really what I escape to. I've said it way too many times before, but yeah. I like who I am on the internet, the Mollywobbles I am, better than the Molly Sci~ I'm known as in school.
[So what are you known as in school?]
Ah ..
Fatty.
Goth.
Whore.
Artsy.
Suck up.
Great writer.
Music elitist.
Good-grade-getter [rofl?]
Backstabber.
SO. You can probably see why I like my internet life better ^_^
But uhhhh. I talked to my friend in Canada on the phone again tonight. He was high.
[OMGREALLY?!?!]
Yeah. I was thrilllllllled XD Not even kidding. It was hilarious.
"I HEAR SOMEONE MAKING POPCORNNNN YAYAYAY POPCORN YAYYYYYY. ..... I'm hungry."
"then go eat some popcorn!"
"Wtf are you talking about we have no popcorn"
"Kaaaayyyyyyyy I'm looking for fooooood.. hotdogs food food TOAST. Mmmm. You like toast?"
"yeeees"
"what kind of toast?"
"any kind!"
"i'm making sinin..minsncin..cinsinaindbnsin...sinisamamnamain..SINMIN.....toast..."
XD Yeah. Great stuff. Then I called other people. In total, hours spent on the phone today : 12! Jesus o_0 & I've only been up for 15 hours. Crazyyyyyy.
So .. yeah.
I'm all wooooooo.
WOOOOOOOOO.
I want to be high like that. It seems fun.
But I won't.
I'll just pretend.
I'll be high off life.
Goodnight, internet.
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[Saturday
August 26th At 11:35PM] |
So I've been thinking .. I made the right choice. I let her go.
It happens. Atleast now I know I'm not gonna hurt her anymore ..
And it all boils down to one quoteable phrase,
if you love something give it away.
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[Wednesday
August 23rd At 10:07AM] |
stupid fucking drama. what the hell is this? not a good thing to wake up to. o wellz~
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[Wednesday
August 16th At 5:24AM] |
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mood |
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 stressed |
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Well basically, too much stuff has been happening lately.
.. too. much x_x;
I dunno if I can handle all of this drama anymore. So recently, what has happened?
1. My friend got a boyfriend; he broke up with her today because .. he wants me. This was the biggest shock to me. I used to like him [kekeke~] and I stopped cuz I wasn't single anymore and then my friend liked him, so yeah I gave up. -shrug.- He'sadorablethough. :P
2. I got a boyfriend! .. and he broke up with me yesterday. He said I changed [when in reality he just didn't know me], I'm a mean person, he thought I was a positive person who everyone liked and had good things to say about. And that it's impossible for me to be in love with him because we have never met in real life. Not true. Love knows no limits. ._.
3. Got into a fight with my best friend. I was just .. mad at her cuz she was bothering me. And then her boyfriend found this letter I wrote and showed it to her, I didn't mean for her to see it. Ever. It was a harsh letter, it's a few entries back. Bleh. I don't think she's ever going to forgive me, and I'm serious this time. I just want her back. I hate not talking to her. I hate her hating me. I hate that I need someone and when I try to talk to them she steals them away from me. Ugh I don't even think that of her anymore. She doesn't accept any apologies .. :/
4. I got a new AIM sn ;o lmao. hexed x regrets. add it :D!
5. Umm .. that's really it. It's worse than it sounds but everything is definitely getting better ^_^ .. number 1 is alright ;P I just feel guilty and bad for my friend. She's heartbroken and I dunno how she'd react if she found out that he wants me instead of her :/ 2 .. I'm getting over it. I guess that saying If you love something, give it away comes in handy here. I just .. don't know. It hurts. I was honestly in love with him. The .. second time I was in love. :P 3 .. is still pretty bad. She won't speak to me much, is trying to steal my friend [from number 1], and just .. yeah. I'm sure things won't be the same at all, but I just really really want her back. Badly. 4 .. YEAHADDME ^_^!
Goodnight now! :D
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[Saturday
August 5th At 10:56AM] |
The weirdest thing to wake up to, I'm sure, is dreaming you've been shot and jumping out of your bed. You run over to the window to see if anyone is there .. nobody. You look in your mirror and check to see if you've been shot, nothing. So the only other option .. run down to the kitchen! And you see your brother's head walking out the d-- wtf?! There's your brother's friend in your sunroom. Open the siding glass door.
"I'M HOME."
" . . . WELCOME HOME!"
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[Friday
August 4th At 5:07AM] |
Hello, hello, hello~!
.. I have never been more happier with my life. Seriously. Everything is just right with the world and I'd really really love to keep it that way. :D I'm so happy that I can't even write a long update.
I'm off to dance in my room at 5 AM in my underwear. Bai ♥♥♥
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[Thursday
August 3rd At 2:23AM] |
i have a boyfriend
that is all .. ♥
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[Monday
July 31st At 1:41PM] |
Sooooo .. I've started listening to Green Day again and gave up Taking Back Sunday, the sad Bright Eyes songs, and some P!atD.
.. let me tell you this, I am a lot happier.
Here comes my Green Day obsession again... ♥ The good old days.
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[Wednesday
July 26th At 5:33AM] |
OH. MY. GOD.
I just had a late night battle with the most insane thing. It scared me. I didn't know what to do. I panicked, I threw things, I said .. things .. XD and well it was just bad.
LOOK UNDER THE CUT FOR BATTLE PICTURES ..
PREVIEW : 
LOL
( BATTLE )
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| Best friend. |
[Tuesday
July 25th At 12:01AM] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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music |
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Thud. |
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Dear Best Friend,
We are never going to last.
The only one who will last in this friendship is me because of you being too obsessed-crazy-inlove-busy with everything else that's going on in your life and I'm not even sure if I'll last at all, I may just have to finally break down. I know they say best friends means we go down together but I beg to differ with that statement because it's all going in the opposite direction. When I can't sleep at night because I'm thinking of you because I'm thinking of us, thinking of you both, there must be a problem because that's probably why I'm sick. I might be sick, sick in the mind sick in health, but I'm so sick of what you are. I'm trying my best I'm biting my tongue and hopefully I'm never gonna let you know how I really feel. I'll get used to it, I swear I will, I'm gonna try my best like I always have and I will fake my words and feelings, I will fake what I do tonight. The inside jokes won't be funny but I won't have a problem with you because I just want to last two more years. It's sad what we have become, I don't want to be a slave a prisoner what he made you into just because I saw the way he treated you and what you became. You became him and now I'm afraid I'm going to have to let go eventually. I dont know if I will let go of you or myself or the friendship altogether with everybody else and I will ruin it all because I will stop biting my tongue and lying through my teeth I will tell you the truth I will stomp my feet I will tell you everything that has been on my mind I will not do this soon but you just wait, just wait. I know this letter [or whatever it is] isn't very well written but I'm trying to type to the beat of my heart almost ripping through my chest, but it goes up into my throat and I keep throwing it up and out but nobody knows except you and maybe them, it's just because I'm trying to make this last so we can go down together best friends 'til the end! but I don't know if I'm capable of that if I'm capable of anything if I'm capable of sleeping-living-breathing-crying-talking-singing-writing this letter [or whatever it is?]. I just wanted you to know you're the only one [outside of my family] I care about so much I'd take a bullet for and I would do anything anything just to keep you here, I want to keep you by my side so PLEASE don't ignore this! As hard as it is to read I know you can do it you have read much worse, but I've read it too, I didn't get any ideas from that because that's not why I threw up my heart because I read that days ago. These small fights and bad vibes and all of these feelings they're growing dull and old and is it even lasting? they're all swirling around out from my head, onto this keyboard, on your eyes into your head pounding at your heart. Can you feel that in your chest? because YES it's these words, these words are meant to hurt you to make you feel to make you understand what I am what you never knew I was. Maybe I am that shallow, that mean, that cold hearted person you never knew [I know you never really knew even if you say you did] because as I said before, I held my tongue swallowed my pride [SO YOU NEVER KNEW?]. We're speeding down this road all too fast the doors are flying off my head through the window hold onto the wheel because we're going to crash - we're going to crash did you hear me? Maybe you will learn to listen! Hit the brakes, hit them hit them as hard as you can just don't lay it on the horn just don't take off your seatbelt let the wind carry you forward onto this path .. and we took the wrong road, didn't we? This map is all wrong maybe it's upside-down, I'm not even sure - I TOLD YOU NOT TO TAKE OFF YOUR SEATBELT! and there you go out of the door, I'm driving from the passenger seat because I promised I'd never take this seatbelt off until you were gone and since you didn't listen, I jumped out the door too. That car took its own path and I stayed there in the middle of the road with you because no other cars passed and I think I finally understood you just wanted to get away from me since the second day we talked! The first night was a fake we were forced to love so as you followed that car right down the road I waved goodbye, you didn't turn around, you just kept going and going and going and going and going and I didn't even care. I turned around and what I found was a beautiful sight - another car going down that path I jumped out infront to save them from the cruel fate we met but instead I went through something else. The feeling overtook my whole body I had a loss of breath and I couldn't even remember your face anymore, who were you? did you really ever love me? They may say yes but I disagree because you wouldn't have left me, you wouldn't have slipped away, this writing is getting too long and it sounds like a song if you repeat it out loud I forgot the punctuation [dammit!] but that's alright, it's just fine, because I know you won't bother correcting it or even finishing it because you know it's not about you but even though you know your thoughts are all wrong, so wrong, because this is to you, yes you my only best friend. Do you even read this journal, does it interest you? I'm not sure at all but I will take your word for it that you think I'm losing my mind and now you know I'm not as apathetic as I try to come off as but you knew that before [I know that you knew, you told me once] but this is just to confirm it! I don't know when to stop typing, this will go on and on and on just like our friendship did not and I don't know where to go after you left because it's been so long since I have had a best friend and all of those jokes those lovely jokes those smiles those laughs those pictures those other friends the boyfriends of yours the fake true loves the truth I never told .. that was the problem all along so maybe I'm glad you're gone my life may be easier but my thoughts still clog my mind why do I still care if you're not even here? I don't know but it must have been the dream last night where we were flying flying away holding hands flying and then we fell but you fell faster - you let go of my hand, you grabbed his, and I screamed in terror because I was all alone. I had nobody to hold my hand as I fell so I just wrapped my arms around myself and fell into a whole other world! you weren't there, you were with him, so I became another person the one I would be without you I caused trouble I caused pain nobody wanted me around but maybe it was what I was meant to be, of course it was, I miss you I miss you I miss you [that's all lies] no - no, I swear I swear it's not a lie, it's the truth that I want you back and you were all I ever wanted in life but I guess I will move on I will raise this knife and put it through my skull where all the memories are kept. Sheesh, what a night what a night this will be. I will run into the dark and dance like I have always wanted to because these chains are broken [you mean the memories are gone?!] yes, I will never have to think of you again.
Life will be how I have always wanted it to.
Thank you for reading.
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[Monday
July 24th At 5:35AM] |
Huh! I didn't sleep.
Let's see how long I can go .. :}
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[Sunday
July 23rd At 3:40AM] |
What do I miss?
I miss Kidz Bop, Florida, Avril Lavigne, Sponge Bob, Cheese cats, actually going outside during summer, having friends that meant nothing, Butterflies painted on my walls, the canopy over my bed, nightlights, friends sleeping over, being a cat for halloween ..
I grew up.
Green Day, no vacation, 'emo' music, Roseanne, VH1, Harry the cat, sitting on the computer during summer, having friends I fight with often and them being my life, posters on my walls, the same bed but no canopy, just a small nightlight, sleeping over friends houses, being Billie Joe Armstrong for halloween ..
I just cannot believe how time has passed and how old I am. .. but .. I'm not old at all. I'm not even near to being a teenager. You're only as old as you feel, they say, well I feel like I'm far into my teenage years. Except I'm not respected that way, I don't have the education of a teenager, I haven't experienced .. life.
I've lived in this online world far too long and I know way more than any normal twelve year old should know. Shouldn't I be listening to the radio, flirting with boysssss, worried about how straight my hair issss, calling myself a pimpette, spending hours gossiping on the phone?
I guess so. But instead I spend nights thinking about my life. Who am I? Where am I going? Who do I care about? What will happen tomorrow? When am I ever going to stop thinking and go to sleep? ..
How old am I going to act when I'm 16? 30? Honestly. I have been thinking this way since I was ten, and it goes on. Instead of thinking about some boy I'm thinking of life. Isn't that a bit strange?
It sorta depresses me.
'It' being life in general. Myself. Who I am.
I'd love to live somebody else's life just to be carefree and .. live the life of somebody else my age.
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| hawwww |
[Friday
July 21st At 4:53AM] |
so i cried myself to sleep at 3 am and slept..im awake now..
this is crap
i regret tonight
i regret everythinggggg thats happened lately
blaaaahh
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| Sometimes life comes right from behind you and bites you in the ass. |
[Friday
July 14th At 1:00AM] |
Things are suddenly great. Everything is looking up, you've got friends, you're in love, life is just .. great. Nobody has any problems with you (or they're just not telling you) and you have no problems at all. You feel wonderful and see things in a whole new light.
Then, life just .. dulls down a bit. When it's sunny every day it's very hard to enjoy as much as the first time. When you can go swimming and have to run a mile every day you don't feel as good. When you don't have to sneak around the house to get a drink, when you don't have to whisper on the phone, life isn't what it used to be. There's no excitement. People speak their true feelings instead of holding back, problems swirl around and instead of staying up late at night partying and dancing in your underwear, you're staying up because you can't sleep. The person you're in love with knows it .. it's just not as fun to avoid that conversation. More fun to actually talk about it which turns out to not be fun at all.
Life right now is boring. Summer.
Boring.
No motivation.
Lay around.
Get fat.
Mnnnnnn .....
BUT! There is another side to this! Not everything is so upsetting.
You're starting to remember how life used to be. Vibrant colors on everything you saw, waking up early in the morning, talking to friends, dancing!, music .. Fun. You miss that fun, don't you? I know I do.
So let me say this : I want this summer to be BETTER. I'm sick of complaining about having a boring summer. I'm gonna actually do something about it. It's another year of Middle School next year, it's gonna be hell. I want to have a nice break before I have do deal with all of the drama again.
^_^ YAAAAAAAAAY okgoodnight
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[Tuesday
July 11th At 2:01AM] |
i know what it's like to be in love with your best friend now.
EDIT : I love my sister < 3 Thanks Marina
"I don't blame you. But I do think something like this is normal. You've known her for a while even though you've never met her in person. You're falling in love with her because you look up to her so much and you don't want to see her hurt. She's like your best friend and sister rolled up into one, and you love her for that. That's as normal as you can get. Ah, love - it is so complicated.
Sounds normal to me. I think we all wish we were someone else at a lot of points in our lives. And even if we've never met someone, it's kind of like that relative you've never met face to face but have talked so much over the internet that it's as if you known them for your whole life. Or like that one person you've never spoken a word to in school but care about so deeply it's as if they were your best friend. You learn to love them, care for them, and worry for them. It's complicated, yes, but completely normal to go through."
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[Sunday
June 25th At 11:08PM] |
let's sail away past the noise of the bay
let's sail away past the birth and death of the day
let's sail away to where the blues and greens swirl into gray
let's sail away
let's sail away past the cradle of these waves
let's sail away past the tide and its slow decay
let's sail away to where the water goes-some endless open space
let's sail away
take only what you need, my love, and leave the rest behind
don't be afraid of where we'll go, my love
i promise you will be fine
now you are the only one thats mine
let's sail away past the reflections of the light
let's sail away floating weightless through the night
let's sail away like a photograph, fading to all white
it's finally all right
forget all the mistakes my love
they won't be made again
leave the photos in the drawer, my love
we no longer need them
we both know where we've been
let's sail away disappearing in a mist
let's sail away with a whisper and a kiss
or vanish from a road somewhere, like tereza and tomas,
suspended in this bliss.
bleh.
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[Monday
June 19th At 2:18PM] |
Lol I steal all of Krysta's quizzes from myspace and post them on LJ~
( a lot. )
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shenaniganzzz's journal